the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
