Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She even gives head with a lisp.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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