ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Welp...herpes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
