Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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