my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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