thus making me awesome and them whores
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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