We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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