I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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