Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
