Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
