Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
