Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize