so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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