Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
