Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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