i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
