you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
