I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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