Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
