I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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