Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
