i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
