Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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