I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
