It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
