u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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