Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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