Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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