the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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