after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
