Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
