She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
