what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
whose ass print is on the piano?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
