Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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