im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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