you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
