there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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