my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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