Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
then he tried to convert me to islam
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
