I think I just saw someone hide a body.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
