Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize