i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
