She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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