Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
