Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
