Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
