This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
