We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
