i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
