Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My pussy is not your playground.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
