Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
