Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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