I looked at my own cervix.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
