Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
