Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
