so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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