How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
