I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
