I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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