We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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