Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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