dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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