I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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