Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
