Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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