when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your penis caused this!
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