i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
