I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
