I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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