I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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