I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
